I listen to a lot of Philadelphia sports radio, mostly for the soccer talk, but also for the occasional Eagles discussion.
There’s a lot of flipping back and forth between 94 WIP and 97.5 the Fanatic, which is probably what most listeners do.
I’ll eventually zone out while stuck in traffic and listen to the ads for divorce lawyers, strip clubs, and auto dealers.
I’m part of the coveted 25 to 54 male demographic, that segment of the populace approaching marriage, alimony, or The Penthouse Club.
Love ’em or hate ’em, these are the commercials that have successfully been drilled into my head over the past few years.
Anything about the IRS, bad credit, or debt collection.
“I used to be so broke, I had my electricity cut off nine times!”
There’s this one is about a guy who turned around his bad fortunes, and you can do the same if you call this phone number to get a free copy of his book. It usually sells for $19.95.
There’s another commercial in the same vein that explains how you can flip houses for money. I think that one came out of rotation last year.
Another one of my favorites is this ad about beating tax delinquency:
“This is a special notice to all U.S. tax payers. If you owe the IRS or state back taxes, and cannot afford to pay them back, there’s good news. Due to the financial hardships many are facing in today’s economy, the IRS has made it easier to settle delinquent tax problems through a federal program called the fresh start initiative. Qualifying for this program will resolve your tax problem!”
These 30-second clips have become part of my routine, as much as the driving itself. I can recite almost all of them by memory. For that, I decided they needed to be addressed.
If you tune in, most of these should be familiar. If you don’t, you can thank me later for introducing you to the bizarre world of Philadelphia sports radio commercials.
This one actually annoys me. It features a cranky boss who whines about the hiring process, explaining that he has to “sort through resumes” and actually do some research on potential employees.
He also complains about the time involved and wonders if the candidates are “any good,” which I think you could probably determine while interviewing them.
Sounds like somebody I’d want to work for.
“Whether you’re looking to fill one position, or twenty, find the best candidates fast with Zip Recruiter. Find out why Zip Recruiter has been used by hundreds of thousands of businesses in a variety of industries nationwide. Right now you can try Zip Recruiter for free. Just go to Ziprecruiter.com/score.”
I can't get away from Ziprecruiter. Their ads are on every music app, podcast, and radio station I listen to
— Schuman (@TheShoeMan8) May 8, 2017
Our Comcast overlords
Apparently, Comcast business has speeds up to 10 megabits per second.
“Look, you wouldn’t pick a slow race car. So why settle for slow internet from the phone company? (restrictions may apply, actual speeds may vary).”
The local food place
These include Primo’s Hoagies, Corropolese Bakery and Deli, Tastykake, The Jug Handle Inn, Chickie’s and Pete’s, Johnny Manana’s, Andy’s Diner, or whatever local joint is currently hosting the Saturday morning shows.
Connecticut School of Broadcasting
I hear this one on 97.5 all the time. Harry Mayes is a graduate of their program, so he’s a walking, talking, tweeting advertisement for CSB.
Connecticut School of Broadcasting big shot alums! I need an updated photo due to weight loss. https://t.co/Xrf5gAFjYo
— harry maYES (@HARRYMAYES975) January 31, 2017
Back injury? Accident? Struck by a SEPTA bus? Belly-bumped by the Phillie Phanatic? You can probably find what you’re looking for by listening to Philly sports talk radio.
The undisputed king of this category is Rand Spear, but I actually haven’t heard any of his ads lately.
I Hate Steven Singer, or any jewelry store
Much credit to these guys, who got me Googling when I saw their billboard on I-95 about nine years ago.
I hate Steven Singer? What the hell does that mean?
It was excellent advertising, something so obscure that it piqued my interest and brought me back to the halcyon days of television tease writing.
“Next at ten – why is this dog on a skateboard? The answer may surprise you! But first, a quick check of the weather.”
Steven Singer Jewelers is one of the myriad Center City shops advertising on sports talk radio. Golden Nugget is another one, and that’s where I bought my wife’s engagement ring, so I guess their commercials work.
“Hi, I’m Steven Singer, you know, the ‘I hate Steven Singer’ guy.”
There’s also Robbin’s down in Delaware.
“Robbin’s rocks! Yeahhh (deep voice). Robbins rocks.”
Cheerleaders, The Penthouse Club, or any adult joint
These usually run right before or after the divorce lawyer commercials.
“Tired of your typical nightly routine? Shake things up at Creekside Cabaret, Montgomery County’s premier destination for upscale adult entertainment. Don’t miss triple-X featured entertainer, Bambi Wilde, Friday May 12th, and Saturday May 13th. You can find out all of the happenings at Creekside Cabaret by checking out their online calendar and by following Creekside social media accounts to find out about their featured performers, beautiful ladies, and awesome events, like amateur night on the first Wednesday of each month, featuring a five hundred dollar cash prize to the winner.”
Is Barbera the best? Boy, I guess.
Team Toyota, a part of the team.
It’s all about you at Rafferty Subaru.
Jim Sipala wants to see ya in a Kia.
That’s … craaaaaaaaaazy!
Joe Cordell, of Cordell and Cordell
“Unless you’re in Missourah or Illinois, I’m not licensed in your state. But that’s okay.”
Joe is a bit of a cult hero in Philadelphia sports circles, though he probably doesn’t know it because he lives halfway across the country.
He’s a Saint Louis-based “domestic litigation” lawyer with a national network, and he runs ads all over town.
I imagine Joe’s advertising people probably said something like this:
“Hey, Philadelphia Eagles fans are definitely going to be dumped by their wives. We have to advertise there!”
As I mentioned above, Joe isn’t licensed in our state. But he does have offices in Philadelphia and Radnor. Michelle Ferreri is licensed in Pennsylvania and New Jersey.
Turns out Joe also has TV commercials, so good on him for getting his brand out there. God knows the divorce rate isn’t going down any time soon.