Philly Craigslist is still probably not the weirdest Craigslist.

Ridiculous Items for Sale on Philly Craigslist Right Now

By Matt Schickling

I have purchased a lot of things on Philadelphia Craigslist.

I have also seen a lot of strange items posted Philly Craigslist. I guess that’s the deal when you’re on a site where anyone can post anything for sale at any time.

At Philly Views, we thought our city’s diversity of products available on the Craigslist marketplace deserved some recognition. But before we get to the list, I want to lay down some ground rules on what we’ll be covering.

It has to have an image – For Craigslist, I’m a big supporter of the “Pics or you don’t actually have it” position. Every person has a camera on his or her cell phone. If they can’t figure out how to use it to post photos on Craigslist, I don’t know if I want to meet them.

It has to have been posted or reposted within the past five days – We need to know that the seller is actively trying to move this item. Motivated sellers keep their Craigslist posts current.

It has to be within reasonable driving distance to Philly  – We have to be able to get it using a vehicle, and possibly a few sets of hands.

Limited to “for sale” section – You can explore Philly Missed Connections on your own time, and most things in “Free” Craigslist probably would make this list.

It has to be safe for work – There are probably thousands of items available that would fall into the NSFW category on Philly Craigslist. We are not trifling with them. 

Has to be super weird – Self explanatory.

Please note: This is not an exhaustive list. I am sure we have missed something wonderful. Please feel free to point out our mistakes in the comments section. Also, do not take this article as an endorsement of buying any of these products. You should probably not buy any of these things.

All of the headings link to actual Philly Craigslist ads, if you want to check them out yourself.

Here’s what we found.

A Bunch of Gargoyles

Where does a person collect so many gargoyle statues, and who wants to buy a dozen of them? These are actually pretty cool, though. I may reconsider the “don’t buy any of this stuff” policy.

Pile of Weaves

Take a nice cruise up to Bucks County to collect what appears to be a huge ball of different colored hair. The strand-per-dollar cost would be in your favor, at least.

Antelope Head

If you live in Philly, why are you buying the stuffed head of an Antelope from Wyoming? The only scenario I can imagine this thing selling is if some self-conscious hunter who lives in the city wanted to buy it for his mountain home. That hunter would live the rest of his life having to pretend that he killed an antelope in Wyoming, then had it stuffed, mounted, and shipped to Philadelphia.

Not worth it, man. If you’re reading this, it’s not too late.

Medieval Axe

There is actually a robust collection of antique weapons on Philadelphia Craigslist, and weapons in general. I would not recommend this marketplace for weapons. Think about it. You’re meeting a person for the first time. You know nothing about them. You have a bunch of money on you. They’re holding a giant medieval axe.

Your trust in humanity should not go that deep.

1973 Police Car

Look, I never want to assume where an item came from, but for this there’s only two real possibilities. This police car was either a.) Stolen by a civilian and left in this garage to rot for the last 30 years, or b.) Kept by a police officer after retirement and left to rot in this garage for the last 30 years. Either way, it hasn’t left this garage in three decades, and now it’s available on Craigslist.

Unfortunately, the Philly police remove radios and lights when they get rid of cars, so you cannot use this impersonate a 90-year-old cop.

Dusty SEPTA hat

This hat refers to a SEPTA bus as a “trackless trolley.” That is awesome. Somebody needs to buy this hat, but it should be somebody who doesn’t care about wearing a greasy, disgusting hat.

Newport Sign

This sign had clearly been ripped off of something. It still has one of the clamps on the right side that would attach to a door at 711. If you really need it, I bet the seller would take $20, or a couple of packs of Newport 100s as barter.

“Rebal” Flag

If you’re the type of person who would buy and display a Confederate flag in Philadelphia, you’re probably not buying it off Craigslist for 30 bucks. If you’re the type of person who would sell a Confederate flag on Philly Craigslist, you probably would spell the word “rebel” wrong.

Frog Man Puppet

I don’t mean to disrespect cinema. Apparently this frog man puppet was used in a 1986 horror film called “Troll.” But seriously, this thing is horrifying. It looks like the top half of a frog taking its last gasps of life.

Real Fox Tail

This goes along with the theme of the antelope from Wisconsin. Why is there such a hot market for animal remains in Philly? Plus, this item is available for pickup in Northeast Philly. I know for a fact foxes live in Pennypack Park, and the seller clearly isn’t very attached to it based on the $10 price tag. Do you really want the tail of Northeast Philly fox in your home?

Piggybacking Elf Mannequins

Marketing these mannequins as Phillies and Eagles will not help them sell faster. They’re piggybacking elves, they cost about $300, and we’re nowhere near the holidays.

Giant Stuffed Donkey on Wheels

This one is in Abbottstown, Pennsylvania, which is over two hours outside of Philadelphia. It’s probably impractical, but made the list on pure merit. From what I can gather from the ad, it’s a giant stuffed donkey that has wheels beneath its hooves so you can sit on it while somebody pushes you. It’s also over four feet tall and costs more than $500.

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Matt Schickling

Editor/writer/musician who is living/working/breathing in Fishtown. Past bylines at Northeast Times, Philly Weekly, Philadelphia City Paper, Lower Bucks Times and others. I can be reached at matt@phillyviews.com